Episode 1 Transcript - Talkin' 'bout our generation(al differences)

Rachel: The content of this podcast, Generation Mom, is for entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by the hosts and their guests are their own and do not constitute professional advice. While we strive to provide accurate and up to date information, this podcast is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, medical, financial, legal, or other advice.

Always seek the advice of a qualified professional with any questions you may have regarding your specific situation. Thanks for listening.

Laurel: Overall, as a generation, we are completely left out of everything. Even though the. Boomer millennial wars, like the extras are always like what about us? And it's really interesting because as growing up we felt I always felt we were going to change the world.

Rachel: Hello, and welcome to Generation Mom. I'm Rachel, the elder millennial who tries to stay grounded in all of the chaos of modern parenthood. 

Pam: I'm Pam, [00:01:00] the Bloomer Mom, to my two co hosts and Nana to their kids. I've spent And I'm here to share my generational wisdom with a touch of tough love. 

Laurel: And I'm Laurel, your Gen X voice of reason, stuck in the middle, ready to weigh in with unsugarcoated advice.

Rachel: Join us as we tackle life's big questions across three generations, sharing laughs and insights along the way. This is Generation Mom.

Hi, and welcome to our first full episode of generation Mom. I'm Rachel. I am an elder millennial, 42, and a mom to two children, a 6 year old girl and 4 year old, almost 4 year old boy. And I'll let my co hosts each introduce themselves. 

Pam: I'm mom, Pam, Nana. I am the mother to these two co hosts and I am the [00:02:00] grandmother to their children.

I have four grandchildren. I'm a 76 years old, almost in July. And I was born in 1948, which makes me a baby boomer. 

Laurel: I'm Laurel. I am, I think I'm 48. I am definitely Gen X and I'm mom of two boys who are 13 and 9. 

Rachel: We're really excited. The three of us, I just love to sit around the kitchen table or sit in my mom's bed and talk.

And we decided that we wanted to make this podcast to share some of our perspectives People, humans, moms growing up in these different, vastly different times and generations. So today we're just going to set the stage a little bit and talk about our generational [00:03:00] differences and some of the characteristics and values of boomers, gen Xers, and millennials.

 I thought I would just start off today, giving a brief overview of each of the generations so when we're talking about baby boomers, those are defined as those born between 1946 and 1964 there's more than 75 million born in this generation. They think that this increase was largely the result of a renewed confidence and security following the economic hardships and uncertainties of the Great Depression and World War 2. This generation is known for fighting against the system, defying authority, and not following the rules set down for them by others.

They helped accomplish great social change through the Civil Rights Movement, the Women's Fight for Equality, and anti war protests. They also reached young adulthood in the 1960s and 70s and they were [00:04:00] hugely influential in the direction of music and style and fashion and drove popularity of rock music, folk music, television, and also changed the country's attitudes towards drug use, sexuality, and how the country viewed those in power. According to Britannica, boomers are the longest living generation in history so far. Is there anything you want to add briefly to that overview?

Pam: I have a great T shirt that says, I may be old, but at least I saw all the great bands. That's one of my favorite T shirts. Yes I'll just add that, there's some diversity in all of that. Some of us were more militant than others. Some of us chained ourselves to buildings instead of going to class, and some of us tried to get into those buildings. So there was some diversity, but [00:05:00] for the most part, what you said is true. 

Rachel: So now I'm going to talk about Laurel's generation, the Gen Xers. You all number about 65 million.

Generation X includes those born between the mid 1960s and the early 1980s. You are known as the latchkey or the lost generation. Gen Xers grew up at a time when societal values shifted with many children home alone after school and an increase in divorce rates. Gen X has fewer members than the generations that precede it.

So this is one of the reasons that Gen X is considered to be forgotten or overlooked when generations are discussed. Poor Gen X pers. It's true though. For Gen Xers were the first generation to grow up with personal computers thus becoming tech savvy. They were also the first generation to grow up with cable television widely available.

MTV they also lived during the height of the U. S. [00:06:00] government's war on drugs and then just, Say No campaign and some energy crises in the 1970s and 80s. Gen Xers experienced shaky economic times as children and young adults, enduring the recessions of the 70s, 80s, and 90s. And later 2000 so that sort of continued to be a theme of economic tumultuous times during their adult life's college tuition rates began to soar in the early 1980s, saddling gen X with more student loan debt than previous generations.

Many enter the workforce during or after a recession. Subsequently, many Gen Xers were underemployed or unemployed, and many had to move back home to live with their parents, giving a rise to the boomerang kids moniker. Laurel and I were both boomerang. We were the original kids on the couch. Yes, definitely. 

So definitely a trend that [00:07:00] continued for Millennials partly because of these factors, Gen Xers got a bad rap as slackers or whiners, particularly in the 1990s, and there were several movies that also helped solidify those themes. So in the following decades, the economic fallout from the Great Recession and COVID Would affect really all of us, all our generations.

But Gen Xers saw a more significant setback to their retirement funds and others, and on the whole, Gen X is likely to be the first generation whose members are not more financially well off than their parents were. So anything you wanted to add to that? 

Laurel: That was such a bizarre, flashback on my entire life story there.

Yeah, most of that is very true for me. Overall, as a generation, we are completely left out of everything. Even though the. Boomer millennial wars, like the extras are always like what about us? And it's [00:08:00] really interesting because as growing up we felt I always felt we were going to change the world.

We were so angry. We were an angry generation and we were going to You know, really put our stamp on the world. And I feel like we all dropped off the planet at some point in our 20s. And I don't know, where we went and what happened and the whole world forgot about us. And so that was interesting that you said our numbers are, A reason for that, because I hadn't heard that before.

And I know that we are on a huge population decline currently. So that's an interesting kind of to see how that impacts going ahead the generations as well. But yeah we really saw a change. In the world, we're that transitional generation between sort of the boomers and the zeers now, and going from growing up with no technology whatsoever to now our kids, are glued to their phones and, know how to use [00:09:00] an iPad before they know how to speak or walk.

That's really an interesting sort of perspective to come from. And it's makes parenting very difficult. 

Rachel: So I'm going to cover millennials, which is me, although it's funny because I think millennials overall split themselves into two groups because of how wide this Generation span.

So a millennial is defined as someone born between 1981 and 1996. I was born in 1982, and I have cousins who were born in 94, 96, and I could not relate to them at all because they were kids when I was an adult. And so I, we have this lovely term called geriatric millennial or elder millennial, which is what I am since I was born on the front end, not cool enough to be a Gen X or not young enough to be on the younger end of millennials. We comprise 72 million individuals in the United [00:10:00] States, and we surpassed the baby boomers to become the largest generation of adults in 2019. We grew up, Millennials, during a period of relative stability and economic prosperity. The September 11th, 2001 attacks, however, Really, shook our semblance of security that we had known up until then, most of us are, were old enough to remember the events and recognize their significance.

So the September 11th terrorist attacks were the first of a number of crises that defined millennials adulthoods. Others were the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the Great Recession of 2007 to 2009, which also contributed to millennials difficulty in achieving the same milestones and affluence of early generations.

Similar to Gen Xers, some scholars have remarked that millennials are The first modern generation to be economically worse off than [00:11:00] their parents were also considered the first digital generation quickly acclimating to new technologies, including smartphones, social media and streaming entertainment.

They're the generation that has received the most formal education, and they're also more diverse and more politically liberal when compared with earlier generations, but more recent generations have surpassed the millennials and being even more diverse and more liberal. So as I read. This research about millennials, I definitely felt like it resonated with me.

Especially September 11th. I feel like that was the real turning point for me and America seeming safe and feeling like nothing could ever happen here. When September 11th happened, it was Oh, America is not immune to things happening here. And then definitely the technology, because I remember our first [00:12:00] desktop computer, our big giant dot matrix printer that was like a dinosaur, our MS DOS games, like Infocom games, and then, Going all the way up to our first car phone, which was like a big bag.

And I was told not to use it under any circumstances unless we had an emergency. And then my first cell phone in college. And and then now we have these smartphones and gadgets and all the social media. And so it definitely has been something that has defined my generation. But I think for, what's interesting is that for boomers, you witness all of it.

So I wanted to hear more from you, mom, about, some of those significant cultural shifts. that you experienced and what had an impact on you? 

Pam: Yes, as you were talking, I was thinking about some of those things.

And [00:13:00] one thing I remember very vividly, I think I was five, we got our first television set. So you talk about that. The technology and the the computers and the cell phones and all of that, I grew up with this monstrosity in our living room, which was a great, big, huge box with a little tiny screen.

The other thing about that I remember and is so different than today is that the TV had hours. So it came on at a certain time and it went off at a certain time. So it dictated, when you got up and when you went to bed. We don't have anybody dictating that. and we work all hours of the day and night.

The other thing I remember is the telephone. Our telephones were vastly different than. Any telephone today. Most people don't even have landlines today.

We had [00:14:00] telephones that were these big, bulky things. Some of them you had to, you definitely had to sit or stand next to the phone to use it because it was connected to the wall. I know that when I was really young, we used to have a party line, which meant that there were several people sharing the same line.

So you could pick up your phone and hear other people talking and sometimes you had to call into an operator. Now, I know you may remember when you had to make a call an operator to do a long distance call, but this is for any call. So then we went to a little bit more modern phones, but we're still connected to the wall and we had big dials. And then we got into the new technology, which were the touch phones with the touch pad. And then finally, they came up with the phone that you could actually [00:15:00] walk away from. And That was really just unheard of. We just never thought we'd see anything like that.

And then I too remember the car phone we had. I used to carry that in the shopping mall with us. That's what I had. And, you think about today where we've got these little slim phones and they do all sorts of things, including, you can play games on it and. Look up things on the computer.

So when. I think about it. I think, my God, I've really had to learn a lot through my life because I've seen a lot of new innovations throughout these years. 

Rachel: What sort of stands out to you if you had to pick a moment in time that was like a turning point or something that really had a big impact on you and your worldview. 

Pam: One of the things that sticks out to me is the assassination of President Kennedy, John Kennedy. That's another instance, like you were [00:16:00] talking about 9 1 1, that's another instance where, Most of us remember exactly what, where we were, what we were doing at that moment. And he was a very beloved president at the time.

And I think at that point I was, I think I was in ninth or 10th grade at that point. And I just remember the realization that the world was a scary place to live and that nothing was guaranteed. And before that I think I had a more Pollyanna view of the world, that everybody was a good person and all of that.

And that's when I really started to become fearful of things and trying to pay more attention. 

But for my generation, a good memory that I have is the the [00:17:00] 1969 moonwalk and putting a man on the moon. That was, I just remember that. We were glued to our television sets and the fact that we could actually see this happen, just, it still gives me goosebumps.

I, it was just something that nobody ever thought was going to happen. And I had some inkling of it because, as your father, was a student at MIT, and he was, worked in one of the teams in the Draper Labs that was responsible for landing the lunar module on the moon. So I had a little bit of a sneak preview into that because he would talk about it.

But I remember how exciting that was for him at that time, too, and the fact that he had something, to do with it. 

Rachel: I can't even imagine. And I have, my son is obsessed with planets and space, and I think [00:18:00] he must have gotten it from dad because he, and he has been since he was two years old and he just brings that wonder.

I think he would have lost his mind if he had been there to witness that. And and that's interesting because, the space race, I feel was such a big thing. thing for us when we were kids too. The space for. Race continued for Laurel's generation and my generation, and there was a lot of excitement in the 80s with the space shuttle and also tragedy there.

So Laurel, I wanted to shift to you and talk a little bit about what stands out to you as a defining moment from your generation. 

Laurel: I have a couple early childhood impactful memories, but, to stay on the topic. Absolutely. The challenger. I think that's what everybody.

Around my age would point to I was in elementary school and I was actually home sick that day and mom had brought her a little [00:19:00] black and white kitchen TV into my bedroom, and she would do that when we were sick

and I remember I was watching a price of prices, right? Or something like that. And they cut in with. The challenger and just watching it take off and then watching The, seconds later, the explosion and all the smoke going in different directions and everything. I, it's just terrifying.

And, I think about the kids who are at school, most kids were at school during that time and they remember watching it as a classroom and having experienced that live as a class. And for me, I was a teacher at the time 9 11 happened. And it was a repeat of that for a lot of us teachers to have, that same sort of live tragedy experience.

It just is what it's the first thing you think of that from that era. 

Rachel: Yeah, there's a really good documentary on Netflix about the challenger. If you haven't watched it, I'll link to it in our show notes. [00:20:00] But they also talk about how that there was a teacher on that flight, like a big deal because it was going to be the first teacher in outer space.

And so definitely devastating. What for you personally had an impact on you and your world view? Why was your generation so angry?

Laurel: To some extent I diverge from my generation, For the most part I was not a latchkey kid, but I was raised with those 80s parenting views, so Mom stopped working after you were born So I spent my early childhood in various daycares and things and then once she stopped working You know, I had a stay at home mom So I wasn't So much latchkey kid but definitely people were, we also, our parents are still married to this day.

Was it 54 years? Yeah. We aren't products of divorce like so many of our friends. And eventually we also were economically privileged. And we have those [00:21:00] differences, but I think, as a generation, there were a lot of divorces happening.

There were. A lot of parents, two parent working households or single mom working households. And then as we became teenagers, our music was very angry, our, pushback to authority. And drug use was a very rampant sort of, coming out of the 70s and into the 80s. We had, the AIDS scare and all of that was very.

I think we were very street. I don't know how to say it, especially when I personally wasn't but like just as a generation, we were very street savvy. We had to deal with a lot of hard knock issues. ,

Pam: I think that your generation had a hard time because so many of you were in daycare and I'm not saying anything negative about daycare and it's come a long way, but at that period, it [00:22:00] was a new phenomenon. There weren't daycares on every corner. And you had various experiences in daycare spanning from good to bad.

And I think that it caused some anxiety and trauma in your generation. Yeah. Being away from the mother. Which makes me feel really jolty. And one of the reasons that I stopped working when I had her but I do think that today I think it's better. I'm not condemning anybody for putting their kids in daycare and I know you have to work and all of that.

Please don't, take that from what I'm saying, but it was different back then. It was such a new phenomena. You didn't have people who were really well schooled in child care and taking care of your kids. It was catch as catch can. Those people didn't necessarily have a degree or anything in [00:23:00] daycare. So I think there is, I think some anxiety was created for the kids because of that. 

Laurel: I'm a naturally anxious person as it is, so I think it especially impacted me. But if think about us like I think we very much were to some extent on our own, raising ourselves, not specifically me and Rachel, but as a group.

And, I'm significantly older than Rachel, and I feel that, and it's just the two of us, so I I've almost always been like a second mom to her, especially in those early days where you weren't around as much, because even as you were transitioning out of work, you were still Sort of working and like I remember there still being a lot of babysitters and stuff.

And I felt very Responsible for Rachel and making sure she was safe and taken care of. And, I still remember we used to spend our summers playing [00:24:00] outside. We were not inside in the summers. We were at the pool, we were going in and out of other friends houses, up and down the street.

Parents today don't do that. They will call the police on you if they see your child playing outside. So it's such a shift in mind thought and, world view, from that world where you were outside all the time, your parents, all parents were watching all the kids and you all, you maybe didn't know where your kid was from one minute to the next.

We certainly didn't all have cell phones, so and now, If you're not actively watching your kid and something happens to them, even minor, not major, but, the hospital's grilling you like you're abusing your child, or you aren't supervising them properly, so it's a whole whew, change.

Pam: Think about my generation. My mother used to open up the door. and push us outside and say, come home when the street lights come on. 

I pretty much knew where you were, but I did believe in kids playing outside. And I still believe in [00:25:00] that all how we live in a much different time. 

Rachel: And something, I think. That has come along with my generation is we are exposed to so much information. And I think at a certain point it's too much information and it breeds fear as a parent, because I think that's why parenting has shifted so much away from the free range, have your kids outside, let them play, let them go to the neighbor's house to I won't even let my daughter walk down the street without.

Me and she's six. Whereas when I was six, I was probably going with Laurel to our next door neighbor's house and the girl across the street. We're playing in the woods. And now I'm like, I'm so terrified because we don't really know the parents. They seem like nice people, but what if they're really pedophiles and we don't know it?

And I don't want her playing in the woods behind the school without me because what if somebody comes and steals her? And, in the eighties, they had it's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your kids are? [00:26:00] Now it's I. Know where my kids are every second of every day.

And I'm not saying that's the best way to do it at all, but I think there's a lot of fear and being a parent today and because you are held accountable so much and judged so much, and we feel this also this external pressure of needing to be the perfect parent. I think with working too, I think what's shifted as well is you could.

Become a stay at home parent and I am in a generation where both parents really need to work yet. Also child care is as much or more than our mortgage. So we're in this really hard bind of we need to be a dual income family, but good. Child care is so expensive and getting even more expensive. And I think because we also demand more as parents, we want people to have an education and that we want to be positive that they're [00:27:00] safe.

 I feel as parents, We're in a, we're stuck today between a rock and a hard place with we need to have our kids in daycare so that we can work, so that we can afford everything and pay for their daycare.

Laurel: Just drink less Starbucks, Rachel. 

Rachel: I know, I need to stop eating avocado tomatoes and drink less Starbucks and I'll be able to afford everything. 

Pam: I think that the working. Parent concept really began with my generation. And I was caught on the cusp of that because when I went to college, I knew that I was going to college to get my MRS. It just was instilled in you. It wasn't so important to get what I really got, which was a degree in speech pathology and audiology. You got a master's. I got a master's in speech pathology. Neither one of us [00:28:00] have accomplished that. And I remember when I approached my parents about going to graduate school, they said you're getting married.

What do you mean to go to graduate school for? In those days, you could live pretty comfortably on one income, but those incomes weren't big. My first income was 9, 000 a year. That's it. And daddy was still a student when I started working. So we, I needed to work then. And It was fine until we started having kids, and then this whole daycare thing became such a difficult thing, and I know it still is today, and I know that the costs are just out of sight and outrageous, but. We were really, I think, the first generation to say, to have the choice on whether we wanted to work or we didn't want to work. I don't think you have that choice anymore [00:29:00] today. I think it really takes two in hounds today, too. 

Rachel: Oh, it definitely takes two in hounds. Two incomes or one very large income.

And I know I have to work, but I've I've gotten off of the heavy, career track that maybe I was on in my twenties and thirties and pulled back. I have not leaned in. I've leaned out of the workforce where I'm working to make a living. And so that I can support being able to be a present mom for my kids.

So I'm curious, what was your experience of that being the first group of women to really work out of the home and really in a way that was more accepted and then having kids and what did that kind of feel like? 

Pam: I feel like we were sold this bill of goods, which was we were all super women and we could do it all.

You can work, you can have kids, you can keep your [00:30:00] home, you can, you can do everything. And what I've found, at least for myself, and this is my personal opinion. is that you can't be superwoman. Something's got to give. And I was caught in this place where if I was at work, I felt guilty. about my chest and what was going on with them and now why wasn't there to, supervise and all of that.

And then when I was home with you, I felt guilty because I wasn't putting the time into work. And it actually made me physically ill because I was caught in this Catch 22. And what I've realized S. I'm grown and mature and gotten older is that you really have to set your priorities. Yes, you can work, you can have a career, you can be a great mom, but you've got to prioritize [00:31:00] you and you have to not be in this mindset where you think, Oh, I can be super woman and I can just do everything and and then when that doesn't work out, you feel guilty.

 I think that the woman's movement was a great thing. It gave us a lot of rights and everything, but I think she also poured a lot of guilt on a lot of us, because if we weren't doing everything perfectly, which is impossible to do, it's impossible. We were left with this guilt of, Oh, we don't live up or we're not a modern woman or whatever. 

Rachel: And I think what my generation is starting to find out and probably feel resentful towards is that there was this whole women's movement and support of women joining the workforce, but there wasn't anything about men doing more.

Laurel: I was just going to say the same thing. I took on more without. offloading more. And I have to just say my husband does handle his [00:32:00] share, but I think overall, especially in the eighties, the men still went to work and came home and sat down with the paper. The newspaper and that was a printed, that was a thing.

And the moms still were expected to go to work, cook dinner, get the kids ready for school, do homework, do whatever. Yeah. Baths, bedtime, all of that. And, so instead of equaling things out, it just added more onto the backs of the moms. And, I think. I don't know if I can speak for my whole generation in this point, or just us personally, but I think both of us, our husbands do their share.

And I think especially I've seen millennials, men, they're not as, toxic masculinity and they do seem to be, Embrace that role of fatherhood. And, they do seem to pitch in, but I still think there's an imbalance and especially in the workforce.

Rachel: And I want to do a whole episode about the mental load [00:33:00] of motherhood and what that looks like across the generations, because I think that, that could take a whole hour in itself And I think you're right. I feel like millennial men and at least with my husband, we've had our moments and our fights about our, who is everyone pulling their weight, but, he works outside of the home, but he does a lot at home, but I feel like mentally I bear more of it.

So there's that piece too. I think millennials are really feeling that and I feel like it's coming to a head. I think, there's going to be some sort of shift. 

Laurel: I think one of the big things is that the Z ers are seeing that, they're just not having children.

And that's the thing that's happening. And, they're saying they can't afford it or they can't, they're making that choice. They have to make that choice. And, that seems to be the direction they're going now. 

Pam: I just want to say, think about your [00:34:00] father. I. Yes. And how far actually he's come over the years.

Yeah. Because he was one of those men Yeah. Who used to come home and sit with the paper. Yeah. And I'd run in from work and start making dinner and getting you guys organized and everything. And he's come a long way now. It's interesting, your father does do laundry now. Oh my god. But, he does his laundry. Oh. Oh no. I thought he was doing all of it. He doesn't do all of it, he does his. And he leaves mine in a little pile. Oh my. I find that so funny because when I do the laundry, I do everything every, I do everybody's laundry and I do it all.

But I, but, I really wanted to get on him about that. And then I thought, no. I'm not going to say anything because at least he's doing some [00:35:00] lography. Is that harder to separate the two out than to just throw it all in? I would think so. 

 I really admire the two of you because you are both such strong women and you are such devoted parents. And I think that you have a lot more on your plate. And I did at your age. Think that you're in a hard place right now. And I remember being in this place too. And that was the, what I used to call the Oreo generation where you've got your kids and you got your parents and in laws. So you've got the young ones and the aging ones, the sandwich, and you're in the middle, you're the white. The Oreo cookie. And [00:36:00] I remember being in that place, but I don't think I had quite as much on my plate as you do. I had to run out to California a lot because my parents would get sick, but it was fairly easy for me to get there.

To arrange my schedule and I think it's harder for you today. I really do and I, I think you're both just so assertive and you know what you want and you know where you're going and I feel like you have that over us. I don't. Know that at your age I really knew where I was going or what I was doing.

Rachel: I think we're really good at faking. Yeah. I don't think we're making it up until we go along. We talked about it some, when I was a kid and I remember, I think it was dad's 40th birthday, it was a surprise party. And I remember thinking they're grownups and they know [00:37:00] everything and they know what they're doing.

And then when I turned 40, I was like, they had no clue what they were doing because I didn't know what I'm doing. And yeah, do you feel like a grownup? No, I still don't feel like a grownup. And I think that's 50. And I still don't feel like I'm 76. I Yeah, you never feel like a grown up. I think that's the biggest secret.

I waited to have kids thinking at some point I will feel like I've got the world figured out and I am a grown up and I am ready for this to bring children in and lead the way, just like my parents were. And I, I'd still be waiting if I kept waiting for that. I did the same thing.

I got married, I was almost 30 when I got married, and then we waited to have kids, and then it took us longer than we thought to have kids, but it was the same thing. I thought, I guess I'm never gonna feel ready to have kids, so I should just do it if I want them. 

Pam: Think if people like listening [00:38:00] to these various topics, and weighing in on it, I hope that they'll listen to our future podcast. 

Rachel: And we're going to get into all of this in more depth. We could go on and on, but we'll talk more about working as a parent and what those expectations look like in different generations.

We'll talk about love and family and relationships and dating and how all that had changed over the years. And I'm really excited to go on this journey with both of you.

So we hope you enjoyed today's episode and that you will join us next week for an episode on love and dating and marriage and relationships.

And if you want advice from the three of us, you can email us at contact us@generationmompod.com. You can leave a comment for us at Generation Mom pod on Instagram or visit our website [00:39:00] generation mom pod.com. So we look forward to coming back next week and thanks for listening.

Pam: So subscribe to Generation Mom. I've lost my place.